Goodbye
by Kuroya-kun
Summary: A twisted line of love between two people. What if their despair got the better of them? Is their misunderstanding would come to an end? Or will it become worse? Based on Izaya's POV, and Shizuo's POV on the second chapter. Shizaya. Slight a forced Shizuo/Vorona. SongFic on first chapter. Beware of OOCness
1. Izaya's POV

A/N: so this is my first shizaya fic, well songfic actually. I tried to connect my story with this song, its from Secondhand Serenade - goodbye. I really like this songs. You can feel the despair when you heard it.

Anyway enjoy it, and please be nice with me..

**Goodbye**

_Its a shame _

_That it had to be this way_

Its been years since I've started this relationship with Shizu-chan. There's nothing wrong with us, that's what I though will last forever. But as time flows by, I feel something important that Shizu-chan hides from me. Well, perhaps just my imagination.

_Its not enough to say I'm sorry_

_Its not enough to say I'm sorry_

He repeat it again and again. I don't even know why he apologizing to me, neither did I know what's his fault. But Shizu-chan being a bit different from he used to be. Everytime I told him that its alright, I already forgive him. He'll make this weird expression, between guilt and sadness

_Maybe I'm to blame_

_Or maybe we're the same_

He can blame me at this weird feeling I felt, similiar to insecurity. God! Its my fault in the first place that we felt an awkward feeling when we were so close. But, I don't know why. I got this feeling that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't feel the same..

_But either way I can't breath_

_Either way I can't breath_

The feeling of someone choking your throat hardly it make you hard to breath. That's what I felt everytime he would just sits besides meand that's it. Even though he's so close. I feel that he's so far away

_I had to say goodbye_

_We'd better off this way_

_We'd better off this way_

He told me that he want a little talk, that's explain why we re standing jn the middle of my living room right now. "Sorry Izaya, I don't think it worked out" he said, with a bit uncertainty on his voice. I've know all along, its must be it. I just tried to look innocent by saying "what do you mean, Shizu-chan?"

But he doesn't seem to noticed my faked smile, he wore this serious expression. It doesn't suit him at all, he's not the Shizu-chan I know. What's wrong Shizu-chan? Why are you-

"Its over, we're over, goodbye" that words, that five words, that just make me realized that the world around me has collapsed. I just give him a small smile, a forced smile, as he turn around and walk away without even waiting for my response

_I'm alive_

_But I'm losing all my drive_

I'd still alive after that, yeaah, I'm still alive. Physically, but I'm not really sure about mentally. I am losing my mind without him

_And everything we've been through_

_Everything about you_

Ne Shizu-chan, have you forgot everything about us? The time we've spend together? Those precious times? Tell me, Shizu-chan. Do you treasuring it like I do 'till now?

_Since you be a lie_

_I can't live twisted lie_

Reality is a lie. Shizu-chan leaves is a lie. I'll wake up from this nightmare and found Shizu-chan lying besides me. Sleeping soundly. Yeah, I like that...

_Then maybe learn to hate you_

_Or hate myself for letting it pass by_

I've hated Shizu-chan for making me human, for making me falling for me, for letting him broke me like this, for making me look pathetic. But even how many times I hate Shizu-chan, I can't seems to denied the fact that the feeling I felt when we were so close. The feeling of... Love

I should probably hate myself, its my own fault for letting him come inside my life, for falling for him..

_I had to say goodbye_

_We'd better off this way_

_We'd better off this way_

The memory of him, saying his one last goodbye to me, still lingering inside my head. "Its for the best" he said back then. What the best about feeling your only source of light, being trash away from you.. Tell me, Shizu-chan..

_And every, everything isn't only_

_What it seems so hold this_

You always told me to look for you if I'd ever need a place to go, someone to hear me, someone to be count on. But yet, you just walk away like that. Never really told me about your feeling towards me, towards us

_Word that you never told me_

_Its time to say goodbye_

I've always knew all along about this blond girl you visits a lot. I've always knew all along that you love her. From the way you smile at her, the way you look at her. But I's never speak a word about it. And when you leave me, I've always knew. That its because of her

_Its time to say goodbye_

Shizu-chan, if this is really what you want, what making you happy. Then I don't have anything against it. Your happiness is also my happiness, even when it feels like dying. No, dying isn't feel this hurt.. Its hurt Shizu-chan..

_Goodbye_

"Goodbye..."

And that, will be the last moment you ever heard of me, Shizu-chan. The last moment every humans will see Izaya Orihara. Because I've already dead, Shizu-chan... I've loved you and always be..

_-OWARI_

_A/N so... Rewiews? And I'm sorry for any broken grammar and OOC-ness, and typo(es)_


	2. Shizuo's POV

_Shizuo's POV_

_Scared_

That's what I feel when I've known what have I done to him. You ask me what I've done? A lot. And what worse is, I always do bad things to him. God, I hate myself

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8 years..

I've been spending my 8 years with him, my fucking hateful enemy, but now my fucking lover. What?! Of course I know he's my fucking enemy, that's not making any different. I love him and that's all! I'd do anything for him, anything in everyway! That's what love is, isn't it?

_Is it...?_

I don't even know what's love anymore. Fuck my life, fuck God, fuck everything. I'm getting crazy because of this love thing. But most importantly, does he love me...?

Judging from his appereance, he still that annoying flea everyone knows. And I still hate him because of that. But sometimes, he showed his soft side to me, only me. Like when he wear an apron when he cook a breakfast for me. He looks really cute, I would just hug him for being really adorable, I can't help myself.

And when he sleeps. That's the most beautiful thing I ever seen. He look so innocent, pure like a child. That soft expression, a thin smile lingering on his face. I really love this expression of him. More than anything God can ever make. I caressed his cheek, and he'll response with a soft sigh but leaning on my arm. Adorable like a little cat. I bet no one can ever find anything far more cuter than this flea besides me. And that's why he's only mine to have.

Sometimes he comment me for being too protective, or possessive he used to say. Not that I care, I'm just keeping what mine is. I won't let a single soul touch my precious thing, my life's love. Yeah, better remember that, trash.

So this what falling in love feels hn..? There's some uncertainty on my though. What if he leave me? What if he dumped me? What if he just playing around with my feeling? Maybe the last question isn't a problem. Because I know he loves me truly from his heart. Since he's always blushing madly when I cuddle closely to him. I love that expression too. Really really adorable.

Ah..

Life is sometimes quiet unfair...

When I filled with this happiness.. The worst come. How I hate myself for letting this happen. I were just finished working when Tom-senpai ask me to accompanying him drinking. Of course I would accept his offer, because his my boss and all. And that's when everything happen.

Maybe I'm become so drunk or something, I don't even remember. And this blond girl, Vorona is her name if I remember correctly, she's my junior. And she's confessed her feelings towards me. Being an idiot drunker I am. I... Accept her confession, she squels happily and hugs me. And... After that... Things happen... And I _accidentally_...

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Slept with her...

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Kill me. I'm begging to God. Just kill me for this... this... Fuck! Just kill me! I don't know what I have to say to him! I can't say it easily like "Hey Izaya, I accidentally slept with my junior" he's going to murder me! On second though... That's better. What if he cry?! I can't stand it! Just kill me! Right here, right now! I'd do anything for every single person who willing to kill me! Maybe! Maybe if I messed with some gangs they'll kill me... Ah, I'd already done that.. and it doesn't work.. Maybe I'd tell Shinra to give me a dozen of sleep pills?! Ah... He's going to questioning me with it.,,

Fuck me... I'm messed everything.. My life.. My love... Izaya..

How am I going to face him... Thinking about seeing his smiling face already making me sick of myself. Why can't just life be fair for both of us... Maybe that way I... I... I don't even know anymore..

I should just break up with him. He doesn't deserve a guy like me. He deserve better... Much much better than me. He should just kill me. Hah.. Whatever... Like he'd do that.. That's too nice of him. Ah, I don't care anymore..

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7 pm..

I'm standing in front of him. Wide eyes, shocked expression. Yes, I told him. You don't wanna know what it feels when you looking at his face. His beautiful face tainted with pain. I'm begging for a death suddenly come to me, and torture me for making him like this.

I can't stand it, seeing his face so... in pain. That's why I turned around and leave him. He beg me to stay, saying he won't mind sharing a life with Vorona. But I'm the one who can't stand it! I'd life my life with guiltness if that ever happen! And that's why I speed up my pace and storm out from his house, _our _house. Well, not anymore..

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Its been two month since last I saw Izaya. I miss him.. Badly. Now I live with Vorona, and a baby on her hand. Yes, we've married. Well, more like forced to married for me. I don't even love her. All my love is for my only Izaya. Wait, 'my' ? He doesn't belong to me anymore. He probably been married with another person who truly deserve him. Maybe more like I hope he is. And that's when I found it..

On a news channel. A burned apartment. My old apartment with Izaya. My eyes widening, heart beats rapidly. I storm out from my current house and run for my dear life to him.. _My _Izaya... I run and run and run. I don't care if I crush my leg or a truck bumped on me. I want to see _my_ Izaya, safe and sound from that fire accident. I'm begging to God, please safe _my_ Izaya, save him. Please..

I found him. But its all too late. Izaya.. Izaya... How I regret this life.. I wish I could be besides him. Being by his side walking through all of this pain. I don't know how I can forgive myself. How I wish I could turn the time and get back to our old times. How I wish I didn't accept Tom-senpai offers. I can't blame him though, its all my fault for being too reckless that moment..

But then.. After all of this.. Do you still love me Izaya? I don't know why, but I know you would certainly say yes to me. I despise myself. I should never been born, that way Izaya won't be in much pain.. Izaya won't be dead like this..

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Izaya.. I'm sorry.. But.. I'll come back to you.. Not in this world perhaps.. But I'll find you and never let you go.. Whatever happens. That way you and I won't feel this pain ever again.. I.. will and for no matter how many years or decades pass by, I'll still love you deep from my heart..

And now.. Let me chase you to where you are right now..

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"I'll come to you, Izaya..."

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-Owari

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Saa.. I'm sorry for making Shizuo this OOC... But that's fit the story...ne? Either way, it's been awhile ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

I hope we can meet again some other times. Forgive me if there's some broken grammars or typos. And that's all. Review would be very accepted


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